Kids, my advice repartee is limited. It's basically restricted to "Drink more water," "Be nice to animals," and, if I'm really worried about you, you may get a come to Jesus talk along the lines of "Don't drink/Do drugs/Sleep around so much" or "Counseling could be very beneficial to you!"
But today I'm adding a new one: "Don't take your ambien and then watch American Horror Story."
But first, some background:
Getting ready for bed is my favourite time of day, easily. I don't know why this is. I have a very set routine that I follow, and I find it very relaxing. It's also no big secret that I love sleeping, so that's probably a factor too. Basically I change into my pj's-aka boxer shorts and hoodie- wash my face, put on my night time sunscreen (okay, it's lotion, but it has spf in it) and chapstick, take my meds, drink a liter of water, crawl into my mosquito net of solace and log my food and feelings for the day into my phone (shout out to my iphone- you make me a better person and I'm sorry I dropped you on the floor). Then I basically watch friends until I fall asleep around 22.00, 22.30. It's marvelous.
However, as I've mentioned before, my sleeping habits of the past few weeks have not been stellar. A fabulous combination of insomnia and waking up at 3AM, added with the fatigue side effect I've learned to anticipate from my meds, means I've been really tired all the time. In and of itself, that sucks. It also makes me even more emotional, and believe me when I say I have more than enough feelings to go around. But it was getting to the point where I couldn't be awake and form thoughts at the same time, so I convinced my brain doctor to give me a sleeping pill.
Children, listen to me. Sleeping pills are tiny pieces of mana from heaven.
Like all medication, they should be taken properly. If your doctor says only take a tiny little sliver that you carefully chop of, then you only take a tiny little sliver. Do not take them with alcohol, ever. Do not take them back to back in order to black out for as long as possible. As the killers so eloquently wrote, sleep is a bitter form of refuge. Do not take them- even your recommended dose- and then go about doing things that are not sleeping. BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. Also you'll probably make some weird confessions to people, and God help you if you find a phone, I swear it's worse than drunk dialing. It's like, being drunk but then blacking out and then thinking all you did was take a refreshing nap, or something.
IT'S LIKE THE AIRPLANE SCENE FROM BRIDESMAIDS BUT IN REAL LIFE.
"She's dressed in traditional Colonial garb..."
Because I am now a responsible grown-up lady, I take my sleeping pills in a responsible grown-up way, at the same time I take my anti-malarials. I mean, see my above bedtime routine. I'm thirty one flavours of responsible.
However, last night I was all excited from book club (I am nothing if not easily excitable, after all) and I thought I would change my routine up a bit by finishing an episode of American Horror Story in place of my usual friends.
Basically, at one point I thought my computer was on fire and the nazis were coming to kill us but I was too tired to do anything about it.
And that is why we dont' take our ambien and then watch American Horror Story.
(Oh! and I'm totally less tired now. Mana from heaven, I say!)
Also- anytime I think of computers being on fire, I go straight to that scene from the IT crowd.
Also Also- does anyone else watch American Horror Story? If so, can you please explain to me why you like it? I haven't made up my mind on how I feel about it yet.